i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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