Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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