Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
