I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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