Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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