Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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