Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
