the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
