he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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