I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
