just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
