Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
