Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
