sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
