Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
