Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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