Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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