Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
