I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize