the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
