Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize