he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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