Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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