After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
