i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
