Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
