You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
