I'm so fucking centered right now
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize