So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
