How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
