i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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