if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
