my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
