she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
