Nicole vs. Life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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