Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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