I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
