If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
