I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
