I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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