I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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