Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
