is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
