like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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