Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
