The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize