I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
