omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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