just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
