went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Randomize
