NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
