It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
