what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
