I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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