I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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