I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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