How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
