and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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