Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
