I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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