Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
